she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
