I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
