I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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