Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
