This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
