yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
