i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
