conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
