You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
