There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
