she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
