My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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