Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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