Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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