Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
