You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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