If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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