Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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