I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
