he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I forget how to act sober
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
