i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Randomize
