i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We are all done wearing pants today
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
