im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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