That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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