two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
