so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
