Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
