Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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