oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i was born a porn star she said
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
