So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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