Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
