i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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