My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
