This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
