Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
