We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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