Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
