They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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