matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
