Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just want to make out with him forever
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
