My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
