i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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