Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
