I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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