if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
