just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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