Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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