Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
