I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
