Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
