Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
